Véra i Árë
by Silmaril Eyes
Summary: Pippin manages the coax the truth out of Frodo during a summer afternoon where true emotions are trapped behind forced smiles.


Forever Autumn

> **Véra i Árë**
> 
> I had never expected things to get so out of hand. But I had been saying that since day one, since the day Bilbo left and I realised that life had changed.
> 
> Blasted Ring. Blasted orcs, blasted spider, blasted Gollum...
> 
> I stared at myself in the mirror. I was the same, yet not. Something stirred in the depths of my eyes that I gazed at for a long time, the blue crashing and writhing like waves against the Western shores, like some sort of creature in pain. Then I couldn't see. Whatever was there blurred and faded as the tears came crashing down my face; warm, salty, liquid sadness. 
> 
> I sneered in contempt at myself, such poetic nonsense. Shaking my head, I gazed out the window. Overcast day...I shivered involuntarily and made my way outside. What was I going out for...? I was sure I'd remember as I started walking.
> 
> Inhaled, shakily. _It's no good making a complete fool of yourself outside where half of blessed Hobbiton will be witness to it_, I told myself harshly, and walked out, eyes blurry, head pounding. I felt so _tired_, so inexplicably tired. I had since the moment I had woken up, not too long ago.
> 
> "Frodo!"
> 
> I turned, surprised, and found Pippin running towards me, out of breath, looking quite comical. The dark-blonde curls stuck to his forehead with sweat, and he was gasping for air like a drowning man. A smile desperately tried to touch my face, but it just wouldn't happen.
> 
> "Pippin...are you all right?"
> 
> My cousin tumbled to a stop in front of me, breathing heavily. "Been looking...for you...all over."
> 
> I blinked. "This early?"
> 
> Pippin raised an eyebrow and made a face. "Early? My dear cousin, it is now one in the afternoon. Don't tell me you've been sleeping this whole time?"
> 
> One o'clock? Impossible...I rubbed my eyes tiredly, sighing. "I suppose I have."
> 
> He grinned wickedly. "Late night?"
> 
> "Not like that," I said weakly, not even finding the strength to feel even slightly embarrassed. "I was awake, thinking--"
> 
> "Isn't it a tad too late to be taking up new hobbies?" I gave him a look, and he burst out laughing. "Lighten up! Surely there's..." He drifted off, staring at me, concern in his grey-blue eyes. "Frodo? What's wrong?"
> 
> I blinked once again, taken aback. Did I look that haggard, tired, and ill? Did I look as I felt?
> 
> "Nothing, what on earth do you mean?"
> 
> Pippin frowned. "Don't lie to me," he said, his voice low, and I was again shocked. "It's all over your face, cousin. You look--"
> 
> "I know, I know, I know," I sighed, deflating a little. "Tired. Broken. Sick. So on?"
> 
> "I take it someone's told you the same things lately...?"
> 
> "Only my reflection in the mirror."
> 
> He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. "For once, the mirror hasn't lied."
> 
> I shrugged miserably. "There's little I can do."
> 
> Pippin half-grinned. "I daresay you'll feel better after a little Bucklebury wine." I smirked.
> 
> "That's why you trekked all the way to Hobbiton on such a day, Peregrin? To raid my wine cellars?"
> 
> "That, and ask if you plan to do anything for your birthday this year," he laughed, turning me around and walking me back to Bag End. "But the wine shall come first, I think."
> 
> "Pippin, you are _impossible_."
> 
> "I am rather, aren't I?
> 
> *............*............*
> 
> Pippin hiccupped as he set his glass down and poured himself another. "Bloody good," he declared softly.
> 
> "Mmm," I answered absently. I hadn't taken a sip of mine, favouring staring out the window and entertaining the unwelcome thoughts over drinking.
> 
> "It _is_ very good," Pippin said, waving his hand in front of my face. "Or so I'm told."
> 
> "Eh? Oh, I'm sorry, Pippin, I must have drifted off..."
> 
> A sly grin crossed his face. "Someone on your mind?"
> 
> "Eh?" I blinked. "S...someone?!"
> 
> His grin only grew wider. "Come now! You can tell me. Plus, you _have_ been eyeing Lila Sandydowns from Bywater."
> 
> "I, I!" I flushed. "I have done no such thing!"
> 
> "Yes, you have!" Pippin tipped his head back and laughed. "It's the talk of the town."
> 
> My face grew warm at the mention of the dark-haired girl with the shy smile who I had, admittedly, been thinking about lately. Beautiful, she was...but...
> 
> I grinned weakly. "Surely not."
> 
> "Yes, it is! She's probably waiting with bated breath for you to make a move, cousin." He raised a knowing eyebrow.
> 
> "I know..." I murmured, feeling my strength sapped away from me. How I would love to speak with Lila, to gaze into her striking eyes. To exchange a smile, and perhaps later, a ring. An innocent ring, and live happily ever after...wasn't that the way the heroes of adventure stories were supposed to live? Not wait until they were worn down, soul-scarred and bone weary, sleeping to escape reality, which hurt like the deepest of wounds--
> 
> And tears gathered beneath my eyelids and began rolling down my face again. I hiccupped, trying to stop them, only making more flow out of sheer frustration at being unable to control myself.
> 
> "Frodo!" Pippin's voice sounded horrified, and all in a moment his arms were around me, trying to comfort me. "What on earth is wrong?"
> 
> I tried to speak, but my words came out as a gasp and a ragged sob. I pressed my fingers to my eyelids in a vain attempt to slow the tears. Soundlessly, the sobs wracked my body. It was awful; as soon as I had allowed the misery release, it consumed me wholly.
> 
> "Oh, Frodo," Pippin murmured mournfully, and cradled me close in a brotherly embrace. "I am so sorry..."
> 
> I waited until my sobs had calmed somewhat. "It's not you."
> 
> Pippin stared into my eyes, his gaze concerned. "What is it?"
> 
> I shook my head. "I...I cannot say."
> 
> "Try."
> 
> "The Ring. Everything that has happened."
> 
> My cousin hesitated. "It's passed, Frodo. It's all right, don't dwell on it--"
> 
> "I can't," I said helplessly, and my eyes must have communicated something to him. "I try, Pippin, dear _God_, I do try. But it is all-consuming. As each day passes, the memories become more clear, when they should fade. And it hurts, worse than any other thing I have ever felt."
> 
> Pippin was silent and motionless for a moment, then spoke up quietly.
> 
> "I suppose, dear Frodo, that the Ring may have something to do with that. But...please believe me when I say that I understand how you feel. At least, on some level." 
> 
> "How could you possibly?!" I said, tears of outrage burning in my eyes again.
> 
> He grasped my hand desperately. "Denethor, burning on his pyre, his last cries...they still haunt my dreams. Looking up at the sky, thinking that all was lost, I can still feel that. It hurts me as everything you saw hurts you."
> 
> I hung my head in shame. How could I have thought that I was the only one that felt this horrid pain? Dear Pippin...all he had been through, how could I? I grasped the white stone around my neck so tightly that the edges cut into my palm. Arwen had said that it might heal my pain...
> 
> "I've felt the same," Pippin said gently. "Please...don't think you're alone. And don't let this hurt your entire life. You have the future, cousin. So go on! Take dear Lila by the hand, think of excuses to get out of my coming-of-age party--"
> 
> I bit my lip, hard, and he trailed off. Silence billowed in the room.
> 
> "Frodo," Pippin said brokenly, the silence shattering. "You're leaving us, aren't you. You plan to take Arwen's place when Elrond leaves Middle-earth."
> 
> "I..." I looked up, not knowing what to say. "I am wounded, and it will never heal..."
> 
> The look on Pippin's face almost broke my already bleeding heart. A single tear rolled down his face, and fell onto the tabletop, sparkling in the afternoon sunlight.
> 
> "Don't go," he beseeched. "Please, Frodo. Please."
> 
> "I must," I whispered hoarsely. "With every passing day..."
> 
> "Oh, I know," he said, laughing shortly at himself. "I know...I just...I just wish..."
> 
> We exchanged a glance, and Pippin's face crumbled and he buried his face in his hands, silently weeping, or trying to compose himself, I couldn't tell. I clutched the white stone in my hand and closed my eyes.
> 
> "When are you leaving?" His soft question made me look up. His eyes were red, but he wasn't crying.
> 
> "Next year," I murmured. "About this time."
> 
> "You'll miss my coming-of-age."
> 
> "Damn it, Pippin, don't you think I know that? Don't you realise how much this hurts?"
> 
> "I suppose so." His voice was very small.
> 
> I sighed. "I'm sorry..."
> 
> "Don't be. It's all right."
> 
> "It's not, you know."
> 
> "Well...maybe not. But I'll say it is."
> 
> We shared a shaky smile, and lapsed into a silence which seemed absolutely deafening, each of us busy with his own thoughts. I cursed myself inwardly; I hadn't meant for any of my friends to have known, least of all Sam, Merry, or poor Pippin.
> 
> "You...you have a year yet. Before you leave," Pippin spoke up.
> 
> I nodded slowly. "Yes, that's true."
> 
> "So...at the risk of sounding overly emotional...I'm going to make the absolute most of it, my dear cousin." I blinked at him. He nodded in response to my questioning look. "I mean it. The time for crying isn't now; I'll have plenty of tears for when the time comes. But for now...well, _véra i árë._"
> 
> _"Véra..._seize the day," I translated slowly. "That's Quenya, isn't it?" He nodded.
> 
> "If it's only a year we have, my dear Frodo, I daresay we had better make the most of things now."
> 
> I smiled slowly, my first true smile in a long time. "Indeed."
> 
> "And you can start," Pippin said, pushing my still-full glass towards me. "By drinking the rest of that. Goodness knows, the vintage on it has probably increased by now."
> 
> I laughed, and raised my glass.
> 
> _"Véra i árë."_
> 
> _"Véra i árë," _Pippin agreed, and drained his glass.
> 
> ******  
A/N: Véra i árë literally translates to "own the day", which is the best thing I could come up with in Quenya as a match to our "carpe diem", seize the day ^^;


End file.
